Long slow recovery.

This relationship is an amazing opportunity for all my issues to come up and for me to slow the fuck down and just keep recovering - while they do.  I mean holy SHIT FUCKING BALLS.  I tried to make that one word and it autocorrected it into 3.  What the fuck?  Well anyway - the weekend at my parents and with my family was so nice - they were nice - he was nice - no meltdowns and we went to meetings everyday.  I waited until last night when we got back to be an a-hole and then I felt sick all day about it.  Here's the thing though.  I called people.  I talked to ladies and then I went to a meeting tonight as soon as I got back into my neighborhood.  I went and got soda water afterwards and then talked to another lady.  It feels good to be back in my apartment and - well - what am I suppose to suddenly not have all the issues I've had my whole life in relationships?  And - well - what the fuck - even people that aren't drunks and drug addicts have issues when they get closer to people.  Whatever - my real point is that I am having a long, slow recovery - haha - nothing is happening overnight and I'm glad.  I'm really fucking glad.  Now I'm going to sleep because I am so fucking tired - I could not sleep last night at his house.  I was upset and mad and taking drama to a whole new level.  Actually I was taking HIS feeling and HIS experience to a whole new level.  What the fuck is that?  Okay - well - I'm not sure if I'm making any sense but amen.  Love you Bluebie. ps I also apologized for not being nice and kind to him - twice.  Barf I'm embarrassed.