Okay - what? It's 80 degress and sunny.

I went in the park and it was glorious and I came back here and made the most delicious salad.  I called the IRS to try and set up a payment plan for my taxes, was on hold for 20 minutes and when the lady came on I realized I only owed $16.00 to the IRS - it's my state taxes that's high.  Can you imagine if I tried to set up a payment plan for $16.00?  The lady laughed.  Do you know I think I did the same thing last year.  Okay so I ran out of time out do laundry but I resigned my lease and I wrote out the check for the $16.00 so that's good.  I wonder - I wonder what's going to happen to me?  When I was in the park 2 things stood out to me.....I walked by these 2 women who were clearly hard core partiers (who clearly still enjoy the sunshine) - they were older and pretty road hard and it didn't look like they were going to stop soon.  Mind you this is what it seemed - I can't know for sure and I was just looking at them out of my peripheral vision since I didn't want to stare and I didn't have on my glasses.  OKAY - so - it made me realize if I kept drinking that's exactly what I would look like - I would know EXACTLY what I was going to turn into and I would know exactly how my life would be.  So - so instead my life is like this and I have no idea what is going to happen.  Life is completely different - sort of.  What?  Then the other thing was this guy who seemed completely full of shit was talking to his girlfriend and seeming like he knew what he was talking about but not really - and I just thought "Oh - that guy is full of shit but wants to be 'The Man' and she is listening to him and letting him and that is exactly the type of guy I usually go for."  Does this make sense?  Why would I want that?  It's an instant lie.  I instantly start to shrink and not be myself and all because I don't want to be responsible and I want someone to take care of me - so I will cave to some poor guy who is trying to be an Alpha male while being totally full of shit - without even KNOWING it himself.  Does this make any sense?  Who cares - I don't know what guy I want but I don't want that fucking guy anymore - plus he kept staring at me and I don't want THAT fucking guy either!  LOOK AT THE CHICK YOU ARE TRYING TO BULLSHIT RIGHT NOW!!  I was staring at him though so that seems unfair.  Whatever - life is unfair.  Do you think I can ask my super to not smoke so much?  He gave me a number I was looking for and his sweatpants were really dirty.  For some reason t makes me think he won't stop smoking so much.  I am going to spate my laundry, make my bed and get ready for my meetings and class.  I worked on my monologue in the park too - that was fun.  Love you Bluebers.