Thursday, April 11, 2013
OKAY - RESPONSIBILITY.
Alright - look this isn't going to change - ever - I am never going to get what I want from this same behavior and from dating the wrong people and blah blah. That's not my point. I AM WORKING SO FUCKING HARD. I AM A GOOD KIND FUCKING PERSON. I LOVE. Now I need to take mother fucking responsibility for my own fucking actions and for my own fucking issues and move past this. I loved that meeting I went to where the woman said she was responsible for her alcoholism - right? Once she realized she had it - she knew and wanted to be responsible for it. I LOVED THAT. now - now I can be responsible for that and I can be responsible for what? These horrible feeling and for the fact that expect something from someplace I simply can not get it. I can not get love and support from this man. Of course he went right back to her - it's so easy. I am not doing the easy thing - I am doing the loving, wonderful thing I wanted to do years & years ago. What? I don't even make SENSE right now. I don't have to give any more of myself to him. Not my time or caring or attention or anything - at all. I owe him nothing. I have been so nice and kind - I let him stay with me, let him keep stuff there - no more - I owe him nothing. That's what feels right right now - take care of myself and I owe him NOTHING. FUCK!!!! Fucking fuck.
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