Why isn't anyone reading this anymore?

Is this boring now?  Am I boring?  Is it boring to be sober?  I don't know - maybe I need to move past this bog.  I t has been such a saving grace for me - I needed a creative outlet so badly but now I have more of them and my struggle isn't nearly as intense.  Maybe I just don't have enough to complain about.  HA-YEAH RIGHT.  I suppose I could just - what - I don't know - write more consistently.  Right now I am trying so badly to not make something happen that I want to have happen.  I didn't get a lot of scabs when I was a little kid but I picked at the ones I had.  I have had a zit on my chin that I have turned into a real problem picking at it.  I just - can't do that anymore.  I need growth in my life.  I don't think the kind of growth I want comes fro picking.  So I'm being really brave and not picking and not controlling.  OH MY GOD IT'S SO HARD.  I'm bored.  I should write comedy.  I'm at work - at the store and it's slow.  I'm getting better about bringing my own food and getting up earlier - so that's good.  This is so boring.  I just have to be patient - that's all.  I don't even know what to say - be patient?  WHO CAN DO THAT?  Fuck - I need to make something happen in my life - I need to move and GROW.  I didn't get sober to be bored did I??  Maybe I did.  Why don't I enjoy the boredom?  I just got so sleepy.  Love you Bluebie.