Dog ashes and a Date with a Guy with cancer.

I got the dog's ashes today.  I go to the vet and the guy tells me to hold on and then comes back with a fucking gift bag with a bow on it.  I'm not even fucking kidding you.  A gift bag that says "DOG REMAINS on it with her name and A FUCKING BOW.  I started laughing which is not what I was expecting to do - I mean fucking seriously?  I had to get a plastic bag to put it in because I just could not walk around with that.  Then I went on a date to a diner with a guy who has cancer.  Rectal cancer.  Do you know how I know that?  He told me - at least 7 times.  I just was sitting there at this diner with my dog in a bag next to me listening to this man talk about his rectal cancer and I just - was really okay actually.  NO - I was SO UPSET.  I think he is going to be fine this man actually - but he mentioned having sex with my friend who hooked us up and also told me about his affair with this famous model who he met at rehab.  COME ON.  He was nice - he bought me my tea - I just - I don't know - I wasn't attracted to him I don't think.  He wasn't really looking me in the eye and I kept thinking "Is this romantic?  I don't know - do I feel romantic right now?"  Life is so painful and awkward I swear to God.  I just - I guess I didn't feel magical there sitting in that diner with my dog's ashes and this ashen looking man.  Why did he have to say rectal?  SO MANY TIMES?  I saw an old friend at a meeting and HE was fun.  Holy shit!  We walked around - ugh - WHATEVER.  It's Friday night and do you know what I did?  I came home at 8:00 and changed out of my dress into A DIFFERENT dress and now I'm going to go do late night LAUNDRY.  WHAT THE FUCK??  Still - this is better than being alone and drinking - for sure.  For fucking SURE.  I LOVE YOU BLUEBIE - SO MUCH.