HEART BROKEN & PMS - READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

Seriously - so heart broken over the dog, this guy (WHY I DON'T KNOW) and raging I mean raging pms.  My eyeballs are swimming - it's so crazy.  It looks like I got a boob job - maybe - or at least it looks like I have very swollen boobs.  I can't stop being so angry and resentful at everything and everyone.  I feel so victimized and like I AM NOT GETTING WHAT I WANT.  Do you know what I want?  Some loser who doesn't pay his taxes, has a kid who he owes child support for and doesn't live near and the first thing he does when he gets some money?  Buys a car.  This is the guy I am upset over?  Yes - yes it is.  I just want him to be checking on me - anyone to be checking on me - to care and guess what?  There are people.  My mother called me and said she would come and be with me if I have to put the dog to sleep.  My sponsor is being so nice to me - taking my calls - being sensible.  This woman who I am not that close with on Facebook yesterday totally chatted with me and was SO KIND about the dog.  The poor sweet little dog.  She does this thing when I pick her up - she puts her head on my chest - it's the cutest thing ever - so sweet.  So I'm not getting this guy who isn't worthy of me anyway and I just wish I didn't care that's all - I wish I had some power over it.  It's so crazy - he is just not there unless I am not interested and I don't need anything.  Who wants a guy like that?  You can't even HAVE a guy like that.  So.  So this is just a hard time - hard pms'y, dog dying time.  I got someone to look in on her these next couple of days - this nice dog walker.  He said she is in her last week of life when he saw her.  I mean - I don't know - she eats like a champ though - it's so confusing.  But well - she does look really - how many times do I have to say it?  Old.  She looks so old.  Everyday there is this man who walks by here and he is literally bent in half.  She looks like that only older and more frail.  I spent lots of time last night holding her and telling her I love her so there you go.  This time when I am losing someone - somedog - I get to say goodbye.  FUCK - COULD I BE MORE SENTIMENTAL?  Jeez - yes I probably could.  Bye Blueberry - I love you.