So I feel a little better.

You know I should call this blog "The emotional up down up down up up up doooooown blog."  Holy Christ.  Well because I had time today I meditated again - for almost and hour.  I also took 2 Midol but I think it was really the meditating.  I just felt my brain shift and I felt better - clearer.  It also helped that there wasn't any cigarette smoke - which isn't the case right now - HOWEVER I just went and jog/walked in the park and that was glorious.  There is really something about working up a sweat that also shifts things.  Makes me feel so much better.  There was hardly anyone in the park.  It was drizzling and then alternating with sunshine.  The trees are all full and lush - it was glorious.  The fresh air, the wind - loved it.  It is a little scary when no one is in that park.  It's so woodsy and it just feels like a horror movie.  There was a guy doing these "running exercises" - going back and forth - side to side.  He had weird spikey hair - he was tall and had one of those backpacks that only has one strap on it on.  The cross body kind but without anything in it.  I mean I wasn't too sure if he was weird from far away but as I got closer and was rounding the bend and having to pass by him - he was going from side to side and then he says "oh - ope - just looking for a pocket of hot air - oh - oh -now it's cold."  Of course as he said this I went even wider past him and gave him a dirty look.  I don't care - I don't care if it's not nice - he was literally the only other person around for way too far and he was bigger than me and it's New York Fucking City.  What was I supposed to do - laugh and be like "Oh you are so funny with your hair that is confusing and your empty backpack!!  Let's chat - actually - let's go don the hill a little bit where you can kill me!"  As I was leaving the park he was at the top of the hill talking to a woman and SHE was weird and they both were super smiling at me.  Like big, weird smiles.  I mean I don't know - it was raining at that point and even though she was pretty - it made me so uncomfortable.  Even right now - I'm like what the fuck was that?  It just FELT strange - that's what is was.  I guess it's sad that we - I live in a culture where I have to be so careful but also - creepy people since the beginning of time have been smiling those creepy big grins at people and then sticking them in a basement for 5 years so fuck that shit.  Ha - they are probably a nice couple that just moved here and their like "What the fuck is WRONG with her?"  TOO MUCH LAW & ORDER - THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME.  Maybe.  Maybe I've watched just enough Law & Order.  Okaaaay - so let's see if I have to work tonight.  Cigarette smoke - but I'm going to keep complaining until it stops.  Oh yes I will.  Okay - bye.