Cathartic Experience.

Ha - I don't know if that is spelled correctly and I don't care .  I also don't even know if it's the correct wording for what happened - but as far as I am concerned - I had a cathartic experience.  I prayed, meditated and did my readings that I missed for 3 days.  While I was doing my readings I started to cry - and laugh and cry more etc.  I had some sort of break through about not only loving myself but LIKING myself as well as forgiveness of myself and others and the TOPPER - turning it over.  But I was really - okay - wait - I feel like also these are the same things I am always talking about - maybe and for sure at least the same things I am always striving for.  To live cleanly and freely and that can't happen unless I like myself.  I can't like myself if I am filled with hate over other people - FROM 14 YEARS AGO - ha - oh my God.  I mean - okay - so - so what's the other part - ohhhh - right.  Turning it over.  I just have to turn it all over.  Love myself, take care of myself, let myself grow, accept where I am and let it go.  Wow - I just got so tired.  I decided it's nice to be here on a Saturday.  I mean no matter what day it was - I had to take care of myself and let myself recover from that work and not sleeping one night.  I just did my dishes - threw out some stuff from the fridge, walked the dog, took out the trash and the recycles and made myself 3 cups of detox tea.  I have an audition tomorrow so I am going to work on that a bit and then - well I want to take a bath but honestly - I think I might just need to sleep - just get right in that bed.  I'm a little lonely but it's okay.  I could be in a relationship and still be a little lonely or alone here - you know?  I am so glad I prayed & meditated - it really shifted where my mind was going.  Also - also what?  Oh boy - who knows.  Whoooooo knooooows.  Hmmm.  I also booked a show so I need to write for that to get ready.  So maybe I can get up early tomorrow - do my jog/walk etc. - get some groceries and get myself someplace where I can write before the audition.  I don't love the script but I am just happy to have an audition.  I have another audition next week for a musical.  Um - you know - I'm not sure about that one actually.  It's far away - I don't know - anyway.  So there - there you go - once again - for me at least - this framework of this program I am in has helped me to save my own day.  That's a beautiful wonder isn't it?  Wouldn't it be great if Bradley Cooper were reading this?  What?  Why?  I love you Bluebie!!