I made soup.

I think I'm going to become a vegetarian (which means what - I have no idea) and cook my way through this break-up.  I made soup tonight and while it was cooking I made refried beans with chipotle cheddar (or something) cheese, fresh guacamole and blue corn chips (I didn't make those).  This is how I made the soup........haha I am laughing - this is so dumb - anyway.....I put vegetable stock soup in a big red sauce pan - I love this thing - well it's a soup pot really and I love it - it's red and it has handles and it's white on the inside.  Okaaay so vegetable stock, three different kinds and colors of potatoes - the little ones - red, blue and white, a big chunk of chopped white onion, 3 garlic gloves chopped, fresh chopped rosemary, sea salt, fresh pepper, a can of black beans and some hot sauce.  Simmer and covered till tender and YUM.  Amaaaazing.  Amazing?  Cool I guess - it's cool that I can make vegan soup.  It will be really good tomorrow after the flavors marry overnight.  Marry overnight - doesn't that sound so romantic?  Ahhhh - if I didn't already get married once quickly I would give it a try again.  So I wrote to my teacher and said I was upset about what that woman said to me.  He seemed to respond well - well I mean he did respond well.  I went to 2 meetings today, walked in the park for an hour while I cried and talked to my therapist, grocery shopped at 2 different places and made myself 3 meals.  For breakfast I had greek yogurt with ground flax, raspberry stuff, fresh blueberries and roasted almonds.  Listen - there are worse things I could be doing besides cooking and eating.  It made me sooooo happy to grocery shop tonight - I felt so good when I left and I loved coming home and cooking while the dog bumped around and chomped on her food.  I have always adored cooking - adored.  So there is one thing that has changed since I got sober - I can cook now - in my own kitchen and I feel good after I do it.  I was walking in the park and crying and talking to my therapist - holy fuck.  But I felt better and I really was not okay - I really wasn't.  Do you know the manager of the comedy club sent out a picture of the floor of the dirty comedy club floor out today saying that we needed to clean up better.  When I left there - there was a shit load of people there still drinking their asses off - um - whoa - whoaaaaaa - whoa.  It's so over for me there.  Wow - I just can't do it anymore - I have completely outgrown it.  Fucking - A - let's move on already.  I bolded the A for emphasis.  I wanted to drink so fucking bad last night - my legs hurt, I was stressed and honestly - I was so freaked out - it was like I worked in a crazy fun house place - with all the laughing and the comics screaming into the microphone and everyone seemed like they had evil bad teeth.  Honestly - I was like - I can never, ever come back here again.  I felt like I was in a nightmare - a total nightmare.  Did I write about this already?  Oh - yes - for the last 3 and 1/2 years I have been writing about this.  Okay - well I need to wash my dishes and go to sleep.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Sigh.  Love you Bluebie.