So stressed out.

I'm so fucking stressed out.  I have this audition and I can't afford class this month and I am so fucking tired.  I look terrible.  Okay - why okay?  WHY?  I asked my teacher if I can pay him next week and I don't know - okay - maybe I should just stop writing.  This is so stressful.  I'm at work - I will be her late because I got here late and I have to work at the comedy club.  I live week to week money wise and it feels like this isn't getting any better.  I mean that's just what it feels like right now - I don't know that it's true.  I'm just exhausted.  I feel gross too - I'm so tired.  What am I doing?  Why am I living this life?  Am I going to be a crusty old lady?  Am I going to die regretting my life?  AM I never going to grow into the love I am meant to be in the world?  I don't think I'm getting softer - I think I'm getting harder.  I think maybe I should just quit working at the comedy club and then just scrape by on pennies and be rested.  What?  I'm just off myself today, scared about this audition and I just even want to try.  I'm too tired.  I have that same I'm just going to lay down feeling.  Well I asked for tomorrow night to be covered.....I'm doing the right things.  Tomorrow I have class, laundry and I can get a good night's sleep.  I watched the movie last night from one of the monologues I want to do.  Where is my heart?  Where is my passion and love?  Dear God - please let me grow past this.  Set myself free from being a waitress.  I'm trying so hard to go in the right direction.  Okay - well one thing is clear - I am definitely dramatic.  Melodramatic is clearly me.  Gross.  I have to go and do something.  I love you Blueberry Blog.  You are the blog of my heart.  What?  Fuck. p.s. If this woman sniffles one more time I'm going to stab her.