I'm so lonley it hurts.

I'm not even kidding.  Oh my fucking God - I miss this guy.  This is so painful not talking to him.  At this moment I'm not even upset he isn't talking to me.  I need to just leave right now and go do my laundry.  I'm just sitting here watching Seinfeld and watching that fucking mouse run back and forth in my kitchen.  Doesn't even give a shit that mouse - he's like "Oh I see you but what are you gonna do?"  Well it wasn't going to get any easier to not see him.  How does he not care?  I am fucking crazy - what the fuck is really happening I have no idea.  I haven't heard about this audition and I think maybe that's the answer.  Can I just tell you I am blaming the cigarette smoke?  My sister sent me a book and you know I started to read it and maybe this will help me.  I'm at the same place I have been a million times even without the mother fucking drugs and alcohol.  My heart hurts - my heart hurts so much.  Looonely.  I'm looney and lonely - looonely.  I'm so looonely.  Bye.