Broke up with him and I don't feel any better.

What the fuck is that?  I still feel lonely and gross and I still feel like we are together.  He was away for 2 days and I didn't even know it.  I'm done.  I did it - that's all that matters.  I did it at work - whoa - that was probably not right but when am I going to see him and I couldn't stand it anymore.  How - what?  I mean - he was upset but not really - he said "Can we still go to the movies together?"  I said can you come over tomorrow and get your printer, shorts and TV and he said "Can I leave my shorts?"  Jesus - he was nice and said nice things and he said it was my idea he go be with his son and you know what IT WAS but what the fuck is that?  It was when everything got weird with us but guess what?  He's a fucking pot head AND THAT IS WEIRD.  Okay - I have no idea where to go from here.  The bartender thought I was crazy when I said I broke up with him there.  I was nice - I wasn't mad.  Why don't I feel better?  Because I like him but that isn't enough and what the fuck - how do you go out of state for 3 days or whatever and not even tell a person?  How is it that I stood up for myself by breaking up with him and I sill feel like I got the short end of the stick?  I  asked if he was going to date other girls that work there and he said "No - I'm not an asshole.  But other guys - maybe."  Ha.  Okay - whatever.  I wish I felt better - I thought some huge shift was going to take place.  Well - huh - my stomach doesn't hurt anymore.  Huh - that is kind of amazing.  Well - I guess more will be revealed in my life.  I'm suddenly so tired.  Good night sweet Blueberry.