Lord.

Now I don't want to be an actress anymore.  I'm not kidding.  I don't want to be a comedian - I mean - I never did - not really - it something that happened and I was good at it - had some beginners luck at it and now - now I just - I don't want to do it.  I don't want to go out every night and I don't want to go on auditions - not really.  My heart isn't in it!  It just isn't.  Now my stomach hurts - am I lying to myself?  I want to own a store.  I want to move to California and own a store - I'm over this struggle and I am over waitressing and I am over trying to get back to acting.  Fuck it.  I want to dance again and still totally be involved in the arts abut I want to own a store.  There.  There I said it.  Now for the integrity.  I need to have integrity about the life I do have now and I love my acting class and I love it here and my apartment.  So.  So how do I do this?  I still need another job right now so how do I do that and work towards this goal?  I have no idea.  And have integrity - in all ways.  I guess just start by doing that - having integrity.  It's nice out today and I look nice although no make-up or hair yet.  Bye Bluebs.