Well so I guess everyone isn't as terrible

as I thought they were. I am on much better terms with quite a few of the people at work who I have named various horrifying names. SUCH better terms. I feel like a douche for writing such awful things. Well except for at the time I meant them and I was very upset. That being said one of the guys at work last night was SO nice and gave me a table of his friends and they took really good care of me. And the girl who I was so upset at in the cab was really nice to me last night and said really nice things to me - from a not judgemental place. Well - so I suppose that's what the whole restraint of pen and tongue thing is about. Does this count? I have no idea. Had I said something to her that time I was upset it would have been awful. But if she read this she would be upset. I will have to work that out another time. Something interesting happened last night. Mind you this is boring interesting but still to me, interesting. I was so tired when I got home from work and I had bought myself flowers (red and they are SO pretty!!!) and I had some dishes to wash (the vases for the flowers were part of the dishes) and I really got tired and just wanted to crawl into bed. But I said to myself that I would feel so much better even if I had to force myself if I took care of the flowers, washed my dishes and got into my pj's, washed my face and teeth and THEN got into bed. And I did!!! I really took care of myself. And it was so weird because I had to FORCE myself - sort of talk HARD to myself to get myself to do it but it was so worth it. Really weird. But so much better as far as waking up. It's so much nicer to wake up to clean - me and my room. And pretty flowers!!! I even wrote in my journal and wrote my gratitude list. This is really new territory for me. Using all my energy in a different direction. It's like turning around a tornado. In fact that's exactly what it feels like. It feels like I am turning around a tornado inside of me. Outside of me for that matter also. Holy shit - so crazy!!! Bye Blueberry - have a nice day - I love you - don't ever change but change if you want to!!!!