I think I'm finally over men.

Haa!!! I wouldn't believe me either!! But seriously - I'm over it. I always feel uncomfortable around guys who I think are hot and I always - this is the REAL - oh I don't even know how to say it - the REAL defining factor - I always fart around them. How the fuck??? What the fuck?? Um are you fucking serious God? I think a guy is hot, then I get nervous and uncomfortable and I start farting. Give me a break - I'm done. I have bad breath, I'm always farting and I'm insecure. I am going to go ahead and say that I'm not meant to be in a relationship. There is no possible way. I am laughing and crying right now. I give up!!! Who fucking cares??? Ugh. I went to that meeting tonight and there were like 5 cute guys, I felt uncomfortable, had to leave when everyone stood up because I was farting (and it had to be SO obvious as I was walking funny - God help me), then left and wanted to beat myself up about but I just - I'm not interested. It's too much work. I just - oh well. Oh well maybe there is a guy out there who makes me feel comfortable, likes the way I smell and doesn't care that I fart all the time. I have a really hard time believing that exists. Oh well. It's so annoying also because I've been going tot his fucking doctor and it's not helping. I did lose 25 pounds. Well I guess that's something. I'm so - over it. I just want to feel healthy and good. I feel like - I'm not there yet. I feel like a 12 year old. So - I feel a sense of freedom actually. But I have to say this seems - unhealthy. What am I doing wrong and why aren't these drops helping? I watched Knight and Day with Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise. I liked it. That and the farting story are 2 reasons why this is a secret blog. I think I got booked on a real show. Now I have motivation to go out and do more comedy. And to write more. What's a Haiku? Holy shit I forgot I was writing this. I have to got to bed. I smell.