I'm freaking out.

What if I never have a baby? What if no one ever loves me? What if I never get to travel and see my family or have health insurance? Someone asked me to work tomorrow night and I feel like I should - desperately work so I make enough money to go to my cousin's wedding in April and so I can go see my sister in Colorado. I'm so tired. I can't work anymore this weekend - it's horrifying. I am exhausted and I'm freaking out. I'm overstimulated. I want to perform and write and let the creative force of life through me and I HATE WAITRESSING. I can't anymore - it's too much - it's too hard - I can't. Jesus - I am freaking out. My hair needs to be done and I feel gross. I want to swim and enjoy the fucking pool I pay for every month. I have to calm down my shoulders are up by my ears. This isn't being easy on myself. Oh please - okay. Maybe I should go back to school. Really? Dear Jesus Lord have mercy. Goodnight.