I heard a woman talk tonight

about how she prayed and prayed with all her might and she figured some things out and how she was set free and ultimately got what she wanted. I have no idea if that's 100 percent what she said but that's what I heard. I am going to pray more. I did today - prayed and meditated and I am again before I sleep. I also have to admit that my dreams might not turn out to look the way I want them to. I mean what I really want is to be creative and work in a loving bursting with love and awesome energy environment and to be excited and fulfilled. Fun and funny also. Maybe I don't want to sit at open mikes or - well - to be honest - um why focus on what I don't want? I want healthy invigorating, loving awesomeness. Amazing people and wonder and awe. I got some really great advice from 2 different guys tonight and I really believed both of them and both of them were coming from a really nice place. I want to be creative and I am BURSTING to be creative. This is now going to be the only thing I'm going to focus on. No more guys and no more looking in the past. Creation, love color and - prayer and meditation. Haha - oh boy. By no more guys I mean no more OBSESSING over guys who I have not any kind of relationship with. Um - exactly. Maybe on here I should do some kind of writing exercises. Like poems or something? Haha - oh boy again. Well I feel a little less crazy and I did my right work today. Jesus this is hard. And yet not. ART IT IS!!!!!