Waiting.

I'm just waiting.  I have a second opinion for tomorrow and hopefully I will get the results from my MRI - or rather the results.  AM I BORING?  AM I A BORING PERSON WHO IS NOW DYING FROM THE CIRCUMSTANCE??  Holy fuck.  Okay I have to stop writing - I am fucking with my own head.  I am just not even going there and even if I am WHO FUCKING CARES.  I get to be boring.  I have had plenty of drama and blech and creepy sex and blech and who gives a flying fuck.  Boring is awesome.  Bring on the boring.  I would love the Boring medium rare with a side of LAME.  Thank you!  Serenity.  I want boring, beautiful serenity!!!  I have HAD it.  I'm over trying to shove life around to be the way I want it to be and I am OVER it.  What?  I'm mixing up my thoughts.  First thought - bring on the boring.  Second thought - I want to feel good and I don't feel good trying to make life do what I want it to.  Third thought - I'm sick of being mad at God's Creation - which is me.  What have I been doing all my life?  So upset at this thing God created and why?  I'm great!  I'm so lucky!!  Jesus Fucking Holy of God Christ!  I'm just over all of it.  Well anyway.  I'm so tired.  I have been going to auditions and spending time with those kids.  Thank God for those kids.  It is such a relief to hang out with them.  Then they fight and then it's such a relief to leave!  Ha.  What a-holes.  They are great though.  Ugh so Jesus I am just sort of stuck here in the middle waiting.  Waiting for this second opinion, waiting for the MRI results, waiting waiting waiting.  I am exhausted.  But guess what?  It's quiet.  I made myself a great dinner.  I talked to my sister on the phone for an hour.  I can go to bed early.  It's so fucking great and awesomely boring.  Bring it on.  Ohhhhhhh well.  K bye.