The WORST.

I am trying to be positive, I am trying to BE POSITIVE but this is the fucking worst.  If you think PMS fucking sucks normally - add cancer to it - it's other level fucking horrifying.  The guy and I went for a walk in the park earlier and it was one of the worst experiences I have ever had in my life in one of the most beautiful settings.  Fuck.  Just fucking awful.  He's angry and just pushing and doing too much.  That stresses me out then I get upset then he freaks then I shut down and then IT'S THE FUCKING WORST.  He is just one of those enraging people who does shit when he' upset - just go go go.  I want to HEAL and his energy is so INTENSE and he just seems angry all the time.  Right now?  HE'S VACUUMING.  IN HIS UNDERWEAR.  It's 10:00 o'clock at night!  Are you fucking kidding me?  He could vacuum tomorrow right?  Or never?  Who cares!?  We are doing the podcast here tomorrow and yes I wanted to do the dishes and have clean bathrooms but Jesus.  I need some help.  Like a miracle.  I mean for my hormones.  I need a fucking hormonal miracle.  Oh my God he stopped.  Thank God.  Who complains about someone vacuuming?  ME.  MEEEEE!!!  BECAUSE IT'S ENRAGING.  I feel like I can hear his screams inside the vacuum cleaner.  Too much?  I'm just overly sensitive and I'm a mess.  I'm doing all the things....talking to people...asking questions, going to meetings, taking phone calls, doing service fucking BLAH BLAH BLAH.  IT SUCKS.  I'm such a disaster normally when I have PMS and this is just the worst.  Whatever.  I don't want to feed this cancer with my anger but aren't I allowed to be angry?  And why can't he just be calm and CALM.  When we were walking in the park he was walking so angrily I had to cover my ears.  His sneakers crunching the stones was making me literally insane.  Oh God.  Hopefully I can sleep tonight.  I am taking so many supplements that any day now I should be able to levitate.  I look awful.  I need a miracle.  A hormonal, cancer free miracle.