Today.

Today I am - what?  Awake and doing the best I can.  I jogged.  I ate a healthy breakfast and I made some "magic" tea.  I made a phone call about a bill I got and cried when they said it was a mistake.  I'm going to go babysit and I am so fucking grateful for those kids.  Yesterday I brought them to tennis early so I could make one of those radio prank phone calls and they were so great about it.  Sat in my car with me and when the radio station called they got out of the car and sat on the bench.  I was really crazy yesterday - so sad, so upset.  I went and got more mammograms and it was SO painful that I cried.  Maybe I was just crying at the situation.  It did hurt though and they did 6 of them.  Then I got an ultrasound and now I have to get a biopsy in my other breast.  Oh sigh.  It's so overwhelming.  And sad.  I can't help it - it really is sad.  That being said I felt a lot better after I went to the meeting.  And today I feel better after jogging and taking care of myself.  I prayed & meditated this morning and that helped also.  It's such an in-between time of the most uncomfortable kind.  The doctor and the genetics lady also are throwing around the idea of very radical treatment....to which I am thinking about and I suppose I should do some research on.  It's really exhausting and a lot to wrap my brain around.  Anyway I don't even have an appointment scheduled for surgery yet.  Is that what it's called?  An appointment?  Whatever.  I have my anniversary coming up so that is probably making me even more crazy.  Crazy isn't the right word - in my head.  Okay I need to take a shower and go see those kids.  Wish me good vibes at not self-destructing over this whole thing.  I hope I can keep my heart strong.  xoxoxo