Little Old Lady Circumstance.

I saw another doctor yesterday who I loved.  She said right away I will be okay and then told me a whole shitload of cray things I have to do before that will happen.  She told me I have a type of Circumstance that only old ladies get.  Little old ladies.  Is that fucking nuts or what?  Have I been that wildly unhappy in my life that I aged myself into an old lady?  Maybe.  I don't know it doesn't matter.  This is where I am and this is what I have to deal with.  I am terrified to do these next tests - they sound very painful, lengthy and uncomfortable.  It's okay I will do it.  I went to see the Snake Doctor and he gave me a shitload of stuff to do and take plus pages of stuff to take and buy.  It will support me.  I have to remember that.  Plus an anti-inflammatory diet - which just in case you are wondering does not involve anything that when you eat it - you feel like fucking it.  No food fucking here.  no more food fucking!!  It's okay.  I'm exhausted.  I am mother fucking exhausted.  I went to a callback today and it was fun.  I was trying to act casual while reading all this shit about the Circumstance.  Gross.  Not gross!  Good for me!!!!  I am taking care of myself!!!  Oh my God the poor guy.  My poor poor guy is so upset - he's a hot mess.  His back is all fucked up - he's had to sleep on the floor and is screaming every morning when he wakes up.  I didn't realize how upset he was.  He loves me.  He loves me so much that now when I really need him - HE'S FALLING APART.  Haha.  No seriously he needs to get it together.  I'm so overwhelmed.  Did I say that?  I am so absolutely overwhelmed.  I need an assistant for this.  How am I going to keep all this straight?  One day at a time.  One thing at a time.  Okay I'm going to go work on figuring out what I need to do tomorrow.  I have a million phone calls to make.  It's okay.  I can hear a owl right now.  I love living here.  I love hearing the cicadas (is that what they are?) and the kids next door.  There's one that's an a-hole - he's always screaming and saying stuff like "And another thing!!"  Have I said that before?  I'm so confused.  Breathe.  I just need to breathe.  Let go of the negative thoughts.  Just let them go.  Just let my brain re-groove.  My poor baby brain needs to re-groove some pathways so I can heal this body.  Help heal this body.  Help this body heal.  Good thoughts - xoxoxo