Can't sleep.....

He said it is cancer.  He also said I will be fine although he seemed less sure of himself but we were on the phone so maybe I imagined that part.  I feel so sick and sad.  I called him back today and he said it will be alright - that the care for breast cancer is so much better now.  WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ME.  Ugh I don't know what to say.  I don't even know what kind it is or what it looks like.  I am going tomorrow to pick up the film so I can see what it looks like.  I feel like all the abuse I did to my body has done this.  The negativity, the - I don't know.  The guy almost had a fucking coronary when I said that.  So I guess I should stop saying it - it's not helping anyway.  I'm still doing the diet.  Oh Jesus this is exhausting me - I am going to go to sleep.  Ugh I am so scared.  I am scared but also I don't even know what it is.  What is cancer?  I really have no fucking idea.  Ugh okay I have to go.  I am going to try once more to go to sleep.  I should stop doing research it's making me insane.  Love you bye.