Total mess.

I'm a total fucking mess.  This diet alone is fucking hard but add waiting for lab results to come back plus PMS PLUS of COURSE I went to a Alanon meeting guess whose ex-wife was there?  I mean are you fucking kidding me?  I was so upset.  SO SO UPSET.  I took a picture of what I thought was her car and took the license plate also.  At least I know what her car looks like.  Well he also sent me a picture.  I'm so fucking over it.  What?  I don't even know what that means or why I said it.  I have got to find a way to be less negative.  I'm so scared.  I just wish they would call me and tell me the results you know?  Maybe because nothing has happened that's good news.  No news is good news?  I did meditate and talk to one sponsee and that helped.  I can go do that again.  I'm sure I was going to run into her sometime.  The worst part is I wasn't sure if it was her.  Her hair was different and it was her creepy walk that made me realize it was her.  She had gone to the bathroom I guess?  Ugh you know what?  Whatever.  Maybe I should eat some cheese or a gallon of ice cream.  This is a lot.  Meanwhile I am at home.  I'm at home and it's nice and quiet so that's great right?  I'm going to call them hold on.  Okay the doctor is supposed to call me by 4:00.  COULD THIS BE ANY MORE FUCKING DRAMATIC???  Fuuuuucking a.  Gross.  Okay gotta go.  Positive vibes.  I'm grateful.  I'm loved.  I'm crying - holy shit I started to type that and then I completely choked on my own crying spit then sneezed like 50 times.  Is that god's way of telling me to relax?  Maybe.  Byeee.