Acting and where the fuck is my bagel??

I ordered a bagel to be delivered.  Is there seriously anything more ridiculous?  It's pouring rain today - this weather has so sucked my balls lately.  Shouls I get a sun lamp?  I mean I feel like I really should. except I'm broke.  Okay so last night I had class.  I didn't want to go I was so tired and blah, blah, blah.  My bagel just got here and it's huge and delicious.  So - so I go to my big meeting, get to class and I was completely falling asleep during the first scene - and I mean asleep.  It's fair to say I took a nap during it.  So I think that there is no way I'm going to be able to work - especially because I didn't even WANT to.  But I figured - hey why not try and just do the technique I'm learning -
PAYING for - just DO it and see what happens.  I don't know what I thought I just knew I couldn't just get up there and not work and I couldn't just go out in the hallway and not prepare.  So.  So I did and then I decided to be really brave and REALLY talk to the audience.  That's always been a big problem for me too - I get so uncomfortable talking to the audience.  And in this piece she is talking directly to the audience - they are a part of the monologue.  I was also concerned because I didn't have it totally memorized but he never cares about hat and it's class and it's - as he says a process.  Only he says it with a hard o - prOcess.  So bizarre.  Anyway I was able to work and I learned more and I felt better afterwards and I went home feeling okay.  My teacher was happy.  Class got out a little early which was good because I had to take the bus home part of the way because of train work - ugh - awful.  I got home, took out the dog, watched Castle, did some yoga, took care of teeth, and went to bed feeling good.  I got up and took total care of myself - made coffee, prayed & meditated, took a shower and shaved - I even did my hair before I left - a miracle.  There was a woman on the train who had on 2 totally different socks and I used to do that.  I always had on 2 different socks and I always said I liked having 2 different sock s but really I just couldn't get it together to ever have on the same socks so I just said fuck it and whenever I did laundry just bunched up together with whatever.  A man from my class sent me a message that said "Beautiful girl - great work tonight."  It was one of the nicest things - ever.  So kind.  I'm not going to write about what I am freaking out about - my issues - my THINKING brain.  I'm just going to say I keep praying for it to be removed, taking care of myself and - keep on keeping on.  I just took a glorious poop.  Things have really changed and now - now I am praying to trust that this will change as well.  That's all and I don't care if it doesn't make total sense.  Bye Blueberry - I love you with all my heart.