Welp....

Yesterday was a tricky one - woke up crying and so upset.  Somehow I got myself to work with my sponsee, to a meeting where I shared and then to that alanon meeting where I also shared and stayed for the whole thing.  And it was FREEZING out yesterday - I just wanted to stay home so badly.  I brought a snack to save money and I came home and made myself dinner AND did the dishes.  Then I brushed my teeth, put in my mouth guard and went to sleep early.  I woke up this morning and my first thought was about how angry the guy makes me and how I was going to send him a text about the different things he does that makes me so upset - really because I want to hurt him.  I didn't - I figured I would wait and see if my alanon sponsor thought it was a good idea - which she did not.  Strange.  So - so after I worked with her I realized that this just isn't right.  It just isn't right and that's what is happening.  I remembered while I was talking to her and complaining about certain things he has said and done that I have probably said similar and done similar things.  Maybe.  Probably.  Definitely.  Here's the good part - I didn't do anything and after this I am going to pray and meditate and see what happens then.  Why do I want to be mean to him?  TO HURT HIM DUH.  But that's not going to work.  I am sitting on the couch right now and it is total heaven.  I'm sitting on one of those soft blankets and I have on comfy clothes and I'm actually COMFORTABLE.  I'm NEVER comfortable.  It's mind blowing really.  What a difference a day can make.  All I had to do was spend an entire uncomfortable day doing things for myself I never would have instinctually thought of to actually make myself feel better, eat a healthy meal and get a good night's sleep and I'm a different person.  Mind blowing.  Yeesh - run on sentence.  I have homework to do for my writing class.  It's raining out.  It's raining on all that snow we just had - yeesh.  I need to do laundry but - yeesh.  I don't know.  Okay - bye Bluebie - love you.