Rewind.

I can't sleep.  Okay fine.  I laid here in the dark for over an hour and finally got back up and turned on 30 Rock again.  I obviously needed to write for some reason about my rage from an innocuous email not answered.  Um okay.  It's not even real but I do go to people who don't have a lot to give a lot but that isn't the point right now!  I have so many people in my life who love me and care about me.  The real me!  The absolute real me.  And they were so nice at the hospital today and really listened to me.  I'm not sure what I'm saying.  I calmed down and I think I would like to be less negative.  WAIT!  LESS OF A VICTIM OF OTHER PEOPLE WHO DON'T EVEN KNOW I HAVE GIVEN THEM ANY POWER.   Oh my God why did I drink coffee this afternoon?  I was just distracting myself I guess.  Okay so how am I going to be nice to myself?  Good to myself?  Is this an alanon thing?  Is this a thinking too much about myself thing?  Is this A RIDDLE THAT CAN NEVER BE SOLVED??  Who gives a fuck.  I mean not what it's about but why.  I do need to be nicer to myself!  I demand it.  I demand better treatment from my brain.  Maybe I can sleep now - xoxo.