Concentration and The Inner Ear.

There it is.  Concentrate.  I keep seeing this word pop out at me everyday when I look at that bottle.  The Snake Doctor gave it to me to take 3 times a day.  That's not the point.  the point is that I think I'm supposed to concentrate.  Focus.  Concentrate on healing - on being in myself.  In my body in a healing way?  I have no idea really I just know I am supposed to concentrate.  I am trying.  Yesterday was my anniversary and the guy and I had a lovely day.  Oh update on his ex - he couldn't have her arrested because they didn't have whatever papers they needed in the computer.  So what was good is that he wouldn't have know that, unless that happened on Saturday and he went to the police.  There's other stuff but I don't want to write about it right now.  I need to concentrate.  Focus and concentrate.  Oh man - it's so hard to do.  When I was meditating this morning to the Oprah/Deepak meditation I believe he said it's not hard to focus in meditation.  If you are using a mantra?  Something like that.  Ha!  That's why I have to listen to things over & over again - I just can't hear stuff sometimes.  Anyway about the Inner Ear........

I went to the doctor on Thursday - the primary care physician for my pre-op appointment.  I was sitting on that table waiting for the doctor and looking at a poster of the inner ear.  It also had the outer ear but the focus of the picture was the inner ear - right?  Well I was looking at it and then I really looked it.  It's like a symphony of stuff going on in the inner ear!  Twirls and turns - gadgets and - STUFF.  I am trying to be flowery in my language and it's not working.  It doesn't matter - what matters is that the design of the inner ear is AMAZING.  I was really blown away - I got lost in the design - I was like holy shit look at that!  Then all of a sudden I thought "How could someone look at that and not believe in God?"  That's it.  I was like that can't have been designed by mistake.  I don't know.  I always get it when someone doesn't believe in God - always.  But for me it's moments like that - that I really do believe.  I don't know what that means. I don't understand anything....but for some reason that fucking inner ear picture helped me and made me think there is a higher power - higher powers - something and it just made me feel more love.  I don't know - this probably doesn't make sense and it doesn't matter.  I'm so scared.  Now not so much about the surgery but about what they are going to find and what I will need done after.  Oh that's weird actually that I wrote I can't hear stuff sometimes and then I talked about my Inner Ear God Moment.  Hahahaa.  Christ.  Drama.  Okay I need and want to get on the treadmill.  Love you Bluebie bye.