Things that make me feel better

Writing. Walking. Dancing. The beach. The sun. Food. Water. Breathing. Meditation. It's been 2 months and 1day since my father died. I'm laying on the beach alone while my guy is running. I'm so sad. My heart is n such - pain. It's so pre leant - the grief. It has just gotten so much more intense. I'm missing him but also I'm just so profoundly sad. It's such a huge empty space with him gone. It's exhausting. My anniversary is next Saturday and I'm also a mess from that. It's like this feeling comes over me from which there is no real relief. A sense memory of how my life was 7 years ago and how awful I felt. This will change and shift - I know it will but it is also incredibly painful.  But the beach is helping. Being grateful is helping. Just doing the next right thing - even if it's only for 5 minutes - is helping. I'm going to reach out to some other alcoholics who have less time than me and that will help. I just cried all over my face and I don't have a tissue. I have towels. God knows I can blow my nose in a towel.  I used to just throw up on the floor and leave it there for 2 days when I was drinking.   The only way past it is through it right? But man it's fucking painful. I said like 8 slogans just now. Okay - love you Bluebie bye.