Depression - it's what's for dinner!

I am waiting for the guy to come back from a meeting and I said I would go get us fish for dinner.  I'm so depressed though.  I just went for a walk and did a little yoga and that helped but I'm like a thousand pounds right now.  I mean that's how heavy I feel.  I got so sad about my father last night and then it just got WORSE today.  I went to a meeting, did step work and came home.  While I was getting out of my car I thought how it was going to be a quite afternoon for me and that maybe I should call my father.  It just came into my brain so quickly - I couldn't even stop it from happening.  Ugh - it made me so sad.  It's like the pain keeps getting worse and my heart is so heavy.  I'm also lonely living here.  It's such a huge adjustment.  I love it - I really do - I'm just lonely and I'm not completely in a new life and I miss my old one.  I suppose I'm not quite busy enough - although I've been busy.  I miss doing shows.  My comedy has come to a grinding halt all of a sudden.  And I know I need to write and I just don't fucking want to do it.  It all seems so messy and confusing in my mind.  Where do I begin?  Where do I begin to write my comedy again?  Maybe I'm not supposed to do comedy.  I mean - I'm not - really - so I guess not.  Ugh - man - I haven't had this pull of depression in a long time.  It's really strong.  It's okay - it was bound to happen.  The move, not working in the city either and then my father dying.  Not in that order.  All of it.  Tectonic shifting.  I'm just going to keep taking care of myself the best I can and be grateful I'm sober.  OH.  Oh it's my anniversary - fuck - THIS is ho I always feel around that too.  GOD.  Okay - wow - this is just one day at a time shit that's all.  Why am I talking like this?  I'm channeling that kid from The Get Down.  That show is fucking unreal to me - it's so fucking good.  Okay - love you Bluebie bye.