Between A Rock and Fried Chicken & Waffles

So I'm not going there tomorrow and not only is she angry (she's allowed to be) but she's being a total bitch to me and sent me text last night saying stop helping.  Ha!  Okay somehow I was able to not write her back and have just left it at that.  But I woke up in the middle of the night upset and feeling sick.  But this is the thing - I would only be going in to make her happy - that's it.  And just even writing that is enraging.  So I'm in this caught place of - making her mad and her flat out telling me to go fuck myself - which is hurtful - OR - going in there - working 9 hours, being enraged, feeling sick, not making that much money, and feeling taken advantage of.  And sad.  Well anyway so I'm making the choice that feels slightly better which is the choice where I take care of myself.  And apparently when you take care of yourself - someone always gets mad.  Okay and oh well.  So I am going to be uncomfortable no matter what but at least I won't be enraged and try to take a shit in someone's deep fried oreos.  My guy said it well get easier each time I do it - like recovery.  It gets a little easier each time to do the next right thing.  And the next right thing is for me to start to take care of myself - for real and then that involves 2 things.  1. Being uncomfortable with someone not liking me. 2. Detaching from what is going on with that person - it can't have anything to do with me. 3. Being uncomfortable with taking care of myself - IT'S SO UNCOMFORTABLE.  4. Understanding this is the next phase of my recovery.  If I really want to continue to grow in recovery I need to take care of myself and sometimes that means walking away from an unhealthy situation.  OKAY 4 THINGS and I feel like I'm full of shit anyway.  I'm just going to trust that this is the right thing.  That's all I can do.  That's it!  Alrighty so I have more things to do like lay down.  Love you Bluebie bye.