Awwww - his Mom died.

No wonder I was sad - his Mom died last night.  I'm so upset - I wanted to meet her.  Poor guy.  She was 92 and had dementia for about 10 years.  Awwwww - barf - when is it ever okay??  When is someone dying ever okay?  I don't know.  Ugh - so I didn't say anything about the lease coming and I don't need to decide anything today.  I got to work on time and I'm clean and I have on clean clothes.  I didn't want to get here - I felt myself digging in my heels in, at my apartment but I just ignored it.  I need to get here on time for me - not her - and listen - she's going to be whatever she is no matter what I do.  So why don't I have a less stressful journey to work and get here on time?  How about the part where I'm a grown-up so I show up on time to work also?  Ugh - such an emotional day.  Love and connection.  Maybe since I am in love with this man I should move in with him because he loves me and we can work it out?  I'm terrified to move and I'm worried that I'm using not wanting to change my routine and waiting for him to be divorced as excuses.  Everything is a chance isn't it?  Ahhh - it's overcast today - cold.  I'm here in the warm.  I just texted with my sister who I love and I can eat food and I am so lucky to be alive and sober.  It's just one day that I have to stay in and it's today.  HA.  Yoikes.  Love you Bluebie bye.