Fat, cold and confused.

It's day 1980.  The year that MTV started.  I just ate a cookie the size of my head and I wasn't hungry and I have a HUGE head.  It occurred to me as I was sitting in the hair dresser chair yesterday that I have a ton of hair because I have a huge head.  So why wouldn't I have a lot of hair?  I have a lot of head!  Okay so I'm not doing great in my acting class right now and instead of reading the play or doing anything productive - I'm complaining about it and figuring out how to quit acting and comedy and what to do instead.  My guy says it's just alcoholism trying to get to me and that if spiritually well then it wouldn't matter.  It does feel like in general that I have so much shit braided into me (what?) that I can't perform.  I mean - ugh I don't know.  I'm so frustrated and tired.  It's freezing out, I didn't take a shower this morning so I could pray & meditate this morning.  I owe my January rent still, I am poor and I'm not seeing anything too bright in my future for acting.  I haven't even gotten an AUDITION lately.  I'm so confused.  It just feels like I should stop - get a job - live a nice life with my guy.  How long before I would get insanely bored?  I don't know.  I got bored thinking about it.  Maybe I could find another passion besides the arts.  I just feel like I'm going in the wrong direction.  UGH.  I'M SO CONFUSED.  I wish I could get a sign or something - something to help me figure it out.  I LOVE YOU sweet blog bye.