I feel so sick to my stomach.

My sisters are on their way and my other one is in the shower. The wake is at 7 tonight. We went to the beach and got a sandwich on the way and I could not stop crying when we got there. I had no tissues and we forgot to get napkins so I had to wipe my face and blow my nose in a maxi pad. It was so awful. I was stuffing my face and crying. I was bleeding, crying and eating. And it was absolutely gorgeous at the beach. Eventually we meditated and I prayed and for the first time I felt wetness on my hands and thought a bird peed on me but it was tears. Jesus I'm a mess. I need to get in the shower. I just feel all awful and a failure. I don't even think I should write or focus on why....it will be okay - this is just a tough time that's all. At least the dog is on my lap. This sweet one-eyed, going blind and deaf dog. Chriiiiisssst. Bye Bleub.