I'm getting depressed.

That's all there is to it. I'm tired and I'm old. It's just the truth. I probably won't have kids and now I'm guessing I won't have a career? Do I mean that? Am I really ready to throw in the towel on everything? I feel so fucking gross. I just can't fucking waitress anymore - it's so awful. I know I said all this last night. I don't know - I'm once again all thrown off and I'm sad. I would have rather not worked last night. I could have made amazing money but it was just like a decent Monday. Okay - hold on - what the fuck? I need to restructure my thinking. I'M TOO TIRED TO FUCKING DO THAT. I'm stressed out, I want to pay for my old bills and have it done, I want to have fun and I'm sick of waitressing and I feel trapped and panicky. I'm going to say that I just really am in a fucking grumpy mood. Why am I even writing on here? Why do I bother with this? Why am I bothering with anything? Nothing seems like it's changing and I had another bad dream that woke me up this morning. I treated myself to some clothes yesterday and I spent maybe 80 dollars total and half of the stuff was for work or for doing comedy. I have ZERO shows planned and I never want to go back to work. Maybe it's good that I have therapy tonight. Something has to change - something has to give. A big shift?? Bye.