Where did my post from

earlier today go?? I wrote about how guilty I felt for not seeing my friend today because I felt sick. Then I wrote that I didn't want to get her sick so it was actually the right thing to do by staying home. I slept 12 hours and I had to do a LOT of self-care to feel even okay to work. I tried not to work but it's busy because of the holiday week. Anyway I - ugh - I don't know. I'm looking forward to the holidays being over and I'm also looking forward to being done with this UNDA stuff so I can really be healed now. I can't keep getting sick. Since Saturday I have been fighting off being sick. Okay - well - look - I was unhealthy for a long time. Of course this is hard and I will get better. I had no coffee today - just green tea. How boring is this blog? Jesus Christ. I am so fucking hard on myself about everything. I have to sleep. I think my friend might be mad at me. If I went skating outside today I would have gotten sooooo sick. But doesn't that also sound like so much fun? I feel like I'm missing out on life still. I have no money to buy things for people - no time it seems like and I'm always sick. Alright well - there I said it. I have to go to sleep. Thank you for being here Blogg - I might be boring but I find you fascinating.