Thursday December 2nd, 2010

Holy shit this is so - bizarre. I can feel myself changing and things - getting cleaner. My thoughts, my body, my room and even the dog. It's all getting more simple. Someone else I'm sure has said this and gone through it and probably knows how to say it more eloquently but I'm going to say it as I'm experiencing it. It feels like my eyes are changing. Today for about 2 minutes my eyes felt less tired and less far back in my head. Like there was less heaviness in my frontal lobe. So - okay - there's that. I laughed when I wrote that. Then I also slept 9 hours last night and that was WITHOUT anything aiding me in any way. I just slept until I woke up. And I ALMOST felt refreshed when I woke up!! Imagine that!! But I didn't need to sleep anymore but I did feel a change so that's good. That's some progress there. I think once I get the coffee out of my routine I will feel way less tired and I will sleep a lot more. Okay then also I slept until 1:30 which upset me because then I couldn't swim and well but I have to be nice to myself. It's okay - it's going to take time for me to adjust. But I do need to wake up in the morning and well go to sleep earlier. It is so hard for me to not beat myself up. It will be okay - I just - like I said yesterday or whenever - it scares me. Doing something so loving and healthy for myself scares me. I feel selfish and like I don't have the right. I need to pray and meditate. I don't have time but I'm going to make it. I will write later Blueberry - I love you :):)