Unbelievable

My landlord/friend came in my room last night while I was at work and turned on the shower to try and work out the hot water bubble in the pipe. I had a towel on the floor of the shower because I threw it there and he didn't see it I guess and it got soaking wet and he left it there (again because he didn't see it). It's not so weird or so creepy but it's annoying and now I can't tell if I left me file box open like that - with the latch open or was he looking in my file box?? And I would have NEVER known he was in here and he didn't tell me and he came out of his room and asked me something when I got home from work. Here's the truth now besides that. This quitting coffee thing is so hard and I'm having withdrawals and I'm upset. I shared int he meeting last night and I felt like I wasn't really honest and I felt like I bombed. Ha - wow - so scary. I did however walk to work and that made me feel much better. I need to somehow add exercising into my daily routine - it helps so much. I'm being so hard on myself - this is what happens with me. I just get so hard on myself. Well I am hoping that with the coffee out of me and all of those withdrawals out of the way - what?? What am I hoping? I forgot what I was going to write. Well who knows but I hope that I get to another level of health. And well to be honest - some days just aren't that great and some shares are not the most amazing thing ever. I did the right thing for me. I was very intimidated by some women who were there. I just need to keep going and keep trying. This is definitely not easy. It's so fucking hard in fact. I really want to stuff my face with bread and cheese and pepperoni ALL the time and I want to drink GALLONS of coffee with cream and lots of sugar. Oh and I side tray of brownies. There we go!! But then I would get so depressed - so utterly depressed and I can't go through these withdrawals again. No way - fuck that. My skin looks a little different and the color of my eyes - absolutely different. Okay I need to eat some food and drink that nasty green drink and try to pray/meditate and take a shower, walk the dog and get to a meeting before work. I have to think of the green drink as my friend. My magic green friend. Haa - well that didn't work for me. My friend who doesn't seem like my friend but is?? Okay that's better. OH BOY. Fuuuucckkk this is so tricky. Bye Blueberries.