Christmas was lovely and

it ended too soon. I'm fighting off a cold again and for most of the day yesterday I really didn't feel well. I traveled back today from Ct. to the city and I got out of work and just stayed home. I start to beat myself up because I can't do more. I took a nap for 2 hours and then I watched a terrible Meg Ryan movie and 4 episodes of Better Off Ted. I love that show. I talked to someone on the phone who is in a lot of pain and it really made me appreciate that my life is different now. Leaning towards different anyway. I ate too much Chinese food. I cancelled my plans for tomorrow as I don't think that ice skating outdoors will do me any good at all. It's also still so snowy here - our street hasn't even been paved - which is mind blowing to me. I just don't feel well. And it upsets me and I want to do a million things and be a SUPER person but I can't. Ugh I can't write anymore I'm getting upset. I have the humidifier on and I'm drinking detox tea. I ate very poorly for 4 days so I can't imagine that has helped any. Well today - tomorrow is a new day and hopefully after a good night's rest I can begin my health regime with a fervor and really get clean. I miss my friend so much but I just feel gross and I can't get really sick again - I just can't. It's so hard for me to take care of myself. Do you know what I just realized?? I don't want to get HER sick either. Huh - wow - duh. Right - maybe it's good I kept writing - I figured something out. I loved being with my family but I guess it's good I am back here and back to my routine. Goodnight Blueberry.