It's easier to be depressed - right?

Or sad or bummed out or - "I KNEW it was always going to suck?" It is and after I write this for 2 seconds I'm going to go google it. Last night the hot (who isn't really that hot and smokes A LOT of marijuana) asked one of the other girls at work for her facebook page name so they could be friends. And like a true 14 year old I ran away and I got so jealous. And she has a gorgeous boyfriend who she has sex with all the time!!! Again - jealous. And last night I was so bummed out - I had to work all 3 shows to make any money and I'm still not quite caught up on rent or anything else and guess what? It's almost October. I'm freaking out. I feel like such a failure and honestly - I'm - I'm scared it's not going to change. And I hugged the guy who I had the dream about and guess what??? He was WAY WAYYYY WAYYYYYY - oh my lord - WAY too gentle. It was so lame. Ugh the record player screeeeched to a halt. I was like - oh - bummer. Never going to happen. I think he is really, really sad and bummed out. He like barely hugged me. Maybe he wasn't planning on it and he did have on his gym clothes but still. Oh well. Maybe I will join a dating website. I need to be creative more. I need to push through this. I'm going to google it being easier to feel like a douche.