Addicted To Feelings (and deprivation)

My sponsor seems to be under (the correct) impression that I am addicted to feelings of being upset, frightened, alarmed - I don't - negative emotions basically.  I have to say it rings true!  I had to stop talking to a woman who was addicted to being miserable.  I mean it just never stopped.  Yet here I am one misery after the other and my feelings go UP and dooooown. UP UP UP!!!!  Doooooown down down.  She moved away this friend and she had a party and I couldn't go - she invited me so I just sent her a message & said you know oh bye!  Wow - have a great trip!  What are you doing blah blah.  She told me all her plans.....then never one single time ASKED ME HOW I WAS.  But guess what?  I talked to that friend for YEARS & YEARS feeling AWFUL most of the time.  So really - who was the fucking pyscho?  Me the answer is me.  I just hung out waiting for her to change and I kept waiting to feel differently around her and I never fucking did.  So was she addicted to being miserable or was I?  I.  I was.  I am.  However I am OVER IT.  I sang that part....OOOOOOVERRRR IIIIIT.  Over it.  I can't stand feeling toxic anymore and if I am addicted to it then there is something I can do about it by turning it over to my higher power for help.  Help me Lord.  Please help me.  I don't want to spend whatever time I have left on this earth fighting the Universe.  I just don't.  Let Go & Let God.  I am exhausted.  I believe in my higher power right?  I do and I always have - so why don't I go ahead and start trusting as well.  It's truly worth the risk.  As I write this I feel gross because there are people who don't believe and I know that.  I always said I understood that but I don't.  I am in a program that is based on having a relationship with a higher power.  Whatever.  I just also care what people think and I am also getting over that in a really big fucking way.  UGH.  So annoyed an uncomfortable.  Going to practice some turning over right now.  Love you Bluebie bye.