The struggle.

It's 11:04 and I'm so exhausted.  I'm home and in my pajamas and that is glorious.  I ate Chinese Food for dinner and I ate too much of it but I don't care - I hate wasting food and it was fucking delicious.  I'm so tired of the struggle.  Just pounding the pavement to get around - riding the subway forever - being stared at - ha.  I do plenty of staring.  Meetings, shows, class - more meetings - oh my GOd - EATING while walking SO FAST.  I haven't paid my rent for November and I don't know how I'm going to pay my rent for December and keep taking my acting class.  I love my class.  Do I love my class?  I'm still missing my other class.  This class is fabulous but you know what - for the first time - in a long time or ever - I want to work.  I want to be fucking WORKING.  I'm sick of running around pretending to be an actress - not actually getting to ACT and GET PAID for it.  ARGH.  Fuck.  Okay - so.  So I spend all day now working on this jewelry and occasionally working at my job and then I have no time to write and look for acting work - or ACT.  Or do more comedy!!  I need some sort of schedule - I just can't.  I can't be wasting my time like this.  I need hours - I need business hours.  OKAY.  I want to live with my boyfriend.  Do I want to live with my boyfriend?  What if I don't want to talk to anyone for 47 hours straight?  Orrrr - I don't know.  UGH.  I feel very frustrated and flustered and CONSTIPATED (sorry) - CREATIVELY.  I really do.  This helped actually.  Love you Bluebie - BYE.