Day 1825.

Yeesh.  Well it's finally September and hopefully once my anniversary happens I will feel a little bit more even.  Balanced?  I don't know.  I just went for a jog/walk in the park and as I entered the park a lady working told me to be careful because a woman got murdered a couple of weeks ago.  Of course I was so upset and then decided I should never exercise again.  Isn't that so awful?  I don't know - I should check to see if that really happened because she was also talking to the squirrels.  Well I still went through the park - it's a holiday - tons of people and I've also been in the park early in the morning and there were tons of people - I mean TONS - so I don't know - but again of course it was upsetting.  I had such a nice weekend with the guy - we went to see my parents, went to my brother's birthday party - went to a picnic yesterday.  Then we got in an argument in the car - ugh - I just really can't fucking stand that he is married sometimes and it gets to me - that's it.  That's actually not just it - I have jealousy problems and insecurities and UGH - I don't know - I asked a question - he answered - I got upset.  He did answer in a douche way though - he really did.  OH MY GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING??  He is such a great guy.  Okay - whatever.  Went to a meeting last night - hosted a show, came home and got a decent night's sleep - he slept over and I woke up and prayed and meditated and got myself jogging in the park.  It is completely nerve wracking to have all this time off but then again - I was so exhausted.  Okay - it's going to be okay.  I FEEL WEIRD NOT WORKING ON LABOR DAY.  I'm going to a meeting later and I'm going to go get some groceries and get myself together here in my apartment - do some cleaning and make some phone calls.  Oh sigh - I just feel crazy that's all.  Well at least now I know what to do I guess.  It makes me sad but I suppose I would feel worse if I didn't know what to do.  Love you Bluebie bye.