Ugh.

I have felt so much better lately having decided that my primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety.  Then I had the most lovely weekend with the guy - we went to the beach yesterday and made dinner last night - it was glorious and fun - so great.  Today we got and went jogging - okay I jogged a little and he jogged a lot more while I walked.  Then I came back to the city and went to New Jersey to a meeting at my sponsor's sponsor's house.  Oh boy - well it was a long trip - from 1:00 - 7:30 and honestly I wanted to jump out of the car at the Holland Tunnel and walk back to the city?  I felt like there was something wrong with me but the reality is probably everyone else felt that way too.  It was a gorgeous day, the meeting was outside which was amazing, there was lovely snacks and it was GREAT but I just don't know - no I do know - I do.  I'm so alanonic and worried about everyone else and their feelings and fucking BARF on a fucking turd slice.  Holy shit.  It's so confusing.  I mean I am beyond grateful to be sober but honestly I have to figure out how to not be so effected by other people and their stuff - their feelings - I just can't.  I mean who can?  I feel like this antennae that is just like zeroed in on people's reactions and - uncomfortableness and ugh - whatever.  Anyway.  My mind is kind of - I don't know what - fogged.  I will figure it out I guess - I will do the work I need to do in order to not feel this way.  Good night my sweetest Blueb.