She's gone.

My sweet girl - gone.  She had a terrible night - oh my God - it was awful and she kept whining and this morning she threw up undigested pieces of food and she yelped.  I took her to the vet and on the subway - I thought to myself - oh maybe she is okay - and then she had a huge, crazy seizure.  Complete with yelping and me having a total breakdown.  I'm not even kidding - I completely lost it.  She did this weird open mouthed yelping shudder - body quiver fucking horribleness.  I just couldn't - I couldn't keep her alive - she was so uncomfortable - so - not herself.  I was up with her almost all night - I couldn't get her to rest.  She wouldn't drink water or pee - ugh - can you imagine?  I took her out last night and she wouldn't pee.  I miss her - I miss her so much.  Ugh - they came in to the room at the vet and asked me if I wanted water and I found myself almost joking and saying "A drink."  But then I thought it best to not joke like that - ever.  So I didn't and right after I get done work I'm going to a meeting and talking about this.  The owner was so nice about it - so sweet.  An animal lover herself.  Well - so - so I got to tell her how much I loved her - how grateful I was to have her in my life - what a gift.  So I'm holding her limp little body - looking in her cloudy eye as she seems very much like - get the fuck away from me and sobbing.  Her poor breath was labored - fucking horrible.  I LOST it on the subway.  This woman came over and comforted me.  Do you know I usually can't stand people doing that but I was so desperate.  She was so sweet - what a nice woman.  Actually everyone was so nice - one of those magical New York moments where people are nice to each other.  To me and my seizing dog.  Poor little baby.  Okay - could I get more sentimental?  Yes - yes I could.  Love you Bluebie.