What do I want?

I had a hard day - the dog made me so sad but now I am home and she seems so much better.  I have an appointment for Friday morning first thing so hopefully we will get this figured out and she will feel better.  I rehearsed with my scene partner for class and it was so much fun.  Just now as I am straightening up I found 2 things I cut out of the newspaper - last year - that say (for my Vision Board - SHUT UP) "Golden Globe Nominee Best Actor"  "Winner - Academy Award."  Then it made me remember that I wanted to be an actress - I wanted to be a God Damned Actress and that's what I moved to New York for (that and my boyfriend at the time).  I never wanted to be a comedian - it was just something I fell into and was good at and wanted to use as vehicle to be AN ACTRESS.  So why am I torturing myself?  I want to act for fuck's sake.  I got so fucking inspired to write this and now I'm exhausted.  Radical acceptance.  Radical Acceptance of the dog, the nice smoking super, my powerlessness over my desire to do comedy - my lack of vision.  I accept.  I accept and I sleep I hope.  Good night Blueberry My Love.  There's always you.  p.s. I just spell checked this and the only word it highlighted as spelled wrong was 'fuck's.'  Haaaaa.  Sigh.