Well thank God - I am freaking out.

I wouldn't want to just be CALM all the time now WOULD I??  I yelled that.  Okay - here's the thing - okay - I already can't take myself seriously.  He went away to see his son and I haven't heard from him yet today and I am convinced I am never going to see him again - he will disappear "WITHOUT A TRACE."  See?  It's totally rational.  I did though see something that said "Without A Trace" written down somewhere sometime in the last couple of weeks and it made me so nervous.  As opposed to everything else that makes me nervous.  How long should I wait till I start to see other people?  I haven't heard from him since 2:00 in the morning and I am ready to move on.  Jesus - I'm just freaking out.  He's going to see the baby Momma - I mean - he's not going to see her - he's going to you know - look at her with his eyeballs.  What?  Jesus.  It's so sweet he is going to see his son.  I'm just sad I fell asleep and didn't get to say bye.  WHY ISN'T HE WRITING TO ME?  Maybe because he's on a plane and he hasn't charged his phone or because he IS WITH HIS SON.  See?  I'm freaking out.  This is exhausting me - I have to stop.  It's fucking freezing out.  I just got so grumpy.  I ordered Chinese food for lunch and when I tell you the shock I experienced when I opened up the "BBQ chicken" - I was literally opened mouthed.  In my mind I pictured fresh chicken breast with yummy BBQ sauce - all crispy and amazing.  Instead it was that weird fucking "chicken" in oddly shaped pieces in that awful pink BBQ sauce they use at Chinese food places.  WHAT seriously came over me that I thought it would be fresh OR delicious?  So fucking annoying.  On a bed of shredded ice berg lettuce.  Like it was fucking fancy or something.  I AM SO ANNOYING RIGHT NOW.  Only on the inside.  Totally have my shit together on the outside.  What?  Bye Bluebs.