What am I doing? I can't be with this guy - it's way too dangerous.

This cocktailing job and this man suddenly seem so dangerous to me.  Of course I'm freaking out - I'm an addict and I'm spending a lot of time with someone who smokes cigarettes, drinks and smokes pot.  And always - always he has been concerned with how that makes me feel - about doing it around me - always.  He is a good person but I'm slowly unraveling and I'm not strong enough - I need to get out of that job and I'm not sure - my friend just said I need to run away from him.  He said it is so crazy and dangerous.  Listen - it's not all that dramatic.  However I have been upset and just unwilling to admit to myself how crazy this is.  I mean I think what I was doing last night by being so jealous and wanting to be destructive was doing that instead if admitting to myself that dating someone who uses is really hard and maybe not what I want.  Wow - I feel completely different now.  I was totally lying to myself.  What else?  I need to get the fuck out of that job.  It will be okay - thank God I was nice last night.  That would have been so much more awful dealing with.  What?  I mean that would have been another week of figuring out what was really going on - by having to clean up after me being a douche.  Lord - bye Bluebie - love you.