Acceptance of Uncomfortableness.

I am so physically and emotionally uncomfortable.  I'm so much better from the surgery!  I can walk almost my whole walk now and swing my left arm the whole time.  Not a full swing but I don't have to baby it and have it in my pocket the whole time.  Is that some 90 year old shit to say or what?  "I can swing my arm almost the whole time during my walk dear!"  Ha that made me laugh.  UGH THANK GOD PLEASE I NEED TO LAUGH.  I am so lonely.  I miss going on my auditions and I am here at home alone a LOT more.  That of course is confusing because if someone came over it would exhaust me in 10 minutes and I would want them to leave.  I think I'm lonely in my heart.  I just miss going to shows and miss running around more for the auditions and stuff.  But I wasn't well - always so tired.....so this is my chance to heal, to get myself back I guess.  So I'm lonely but it's okay.  I had such a hard time sleeping last night - I just didn't want to take that fucking medication anymore so I didn't and who cares.  I'm healing and I am feeling better and stronger.  I am accepting that my body is in discomfort and it wont last forever.  Is it possible that I am NOT BEING A PUSSY for once in my life?  Ha.  Maybe.  So I am uncomfortable in so many ways but it's alright.  I know God has my back and that this is an opportunity.  I just have to practice all the great tools of the program and moving forward slowly one day at a time, doing what I can where I can.  I have some shows coming up so that will be great.  I will have a couple of weeks where I am doing stuff before treatment starts.  Barf.  When I woke up and was so upset, so down I just said to myself "It's okay , of course you feel this way it sucks and it's painful...just use the tools you have all these tools all this stuff to help you to the other side.  It's just discomfort."  So I did my thing.  I prayed and meditated.  Spoke to another survivor of breast cancer.  Talked to a sponsee...took my long Granny walk and talked to another sponsee.  Ate lots of yummy foods and took a shitload of vitamins.  I think the walk helped the most.  The sunshine and the fresh air - the BREATHING.  Yeah.  It clears my head.  I wrote in my journal....wrote some jokes.   Now I'm going to take a shower and I feel somewhat on the other side.  Still a bit heavy and of course so scared.  But I guess I don't have to stay in anything if I don't want to - meaning a feeling either physically, emotionally or spiritually.  That being said - still lonely.  But it's okay I am going to take a shower!  What?  Haha bye.