Hard Christmas.

My mother is sick. I mean I think she just doesn't feel well but it's so scary and I just can't imagine how she is feeling. Without her husband at Christmas for the first time in 55 years. My crazy sister is being crazy and of course it makes everything harder. I just MISS my father. It just sucks. 2 of my friends that always sent Christmas cards didn't send them. They are both people who I made amends to but it always seems like they are mad at me and I never send them Christmas cards. I don't know - I'm kind of spiraling down. I'm so grateful for my guy but I'm so sad we don't have any money. I can't get him anything for Christmas. You know what? I just don't feel well. I came into the city for therapy and all the e tea people because of the holiday made it harder. I'm just upset and probably feeling too much for myself. I need some water too. Okay well - this has been a sad sack of a check in. Happy Christmas Blog O My Heart.