2016.

What a year.  I'm going to say what I am grateful for and it's going to be hard.  Saying positive things is difficult for me.  I can feel my chest tighten just thinking about being positive.  It's not as hard for me to be grateful.  I am very grateful.  I guess because being grateful is going out of me and being positive about me is going in and I have trouble receiving.  One time I said to my manager at work that I was working on "receiving."  He looked at me and said "You know what?  You are fucking crazy chick you know that?"  Hahaha - oh my God.  I really thought he was going to say how impressed he was.  I am really laughing thinking about that.  Anyway.  Well I am doing good at avoiding this so far which is fun.  Wait - did I just contradict myself?  I said I want to be grateful which I can do but not be positive?  Arent they the same things?  Oh man.  WOW.  Well okay here we go.  I am so grateful I stayed sober in 2016.  It was a hard year - moving, losing my father, changing jobs 3 times, getting a new homegroup, ending a relationship with a sponsee, getting a new sponsor.  This morning I went to my women's meeting and it was so wonderful!  The anniversary meeting.  That meeting helped get me acclimated to here and start to get a sober network.  Im grateful I have a new homegroup and that I start doing service there next week.  Im grateful I learned to drive in the city this year!  I love this little town and now I have a grocery store and CVS.  What else?  The bank.  It's really for me what helps so much - knowing where these things are and being able to go to them with ease.  I love our apartment and I love living with my guy.  He's so funny and I am so grateful for that.  He laughs at me and it's the best thing in the world.  I'm even more in love with him!  Haha and I can tell theres quite a few women in our group that are too!  That's okay - its so cute.  I am really grateful my career has grown a little bit.  It's so slow but it has happened.  My family.  My friends.  My friends in sobriety and my friends spread out around the world.  Isn't life amazing?  Today I can see how lucky I am because I am in my life.  I have been given this gift of sobriety and to be able to LIVE sober.  I don't ever have to sit alone dumping booze down my throat, dry humping a radiator.  I mean I can still dry hump the radiator I guess if I WANT to and from a not shameful place.  I can do it from a place of power!  LOOK AT ME - I AM DRY HUMPING A RADIATOR AND I FEEL GOOD!!!!  Okay the guy is going to be home soon.  Gotta go get ready for 2017.  Going to clean and go for a walk and get my office a little more put together and do some writing.  Yes.  Yes!  I am grateful I am jogging.  Or whatever it is called that I do.  Today I just feel grateful and I am not kidding - for that I am grateful.  I hope I don't lose that.  It is really the keys to the Kingdom.  Did someone slip me some Molly?  LOVE YOU BLUEBIE!!  HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!